Another Writing Venue

I am still working on the Psyche and Eros series. I got bogged down with wanting to write about things not appropriate for an any age audience, so I started another blog behind an over-18 wall. I am happy to say I am still writing and eager to write.

More is coming here soon. That and the holidays have taken up my time, as well as my adventures in dating.

If you want to get on a private email list for the content of the new blog, send me a private message.  I write there about the same sorts of things as I do here, but the focus and the content is generally suitable for adults only.  Only ask if you are comfortable with reading the intimate details, well-written, if feedback so far is to be believed.

It is titled Soft Animal Body. The inspiration comes from Mary Oliver's poem Wild Geese. This pretty much sums up the theme.

You do not have to be good. 

You do not have to walk on your knees 

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. 

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 

Meanwhile the world goes on. 

 

Blogging About Books

I did a tiny little bit of blogging this past year...as a library book blogger.

They were seeking new blood for the library's blog, and I put my name in.  It's not very often, but gratifying.  I've been posting under the name Enji because there already was a Heidi writing for the blog.  This is going to end, and my future posts will be under the name Heidi H.

Here they are:

Great Books I Never Would Have Chosen
(I forgot to submit a title, so it's not exactly a title in my style.)

YA for Grown-ups: Historical Fiction Edition

Highlanders, Fairies, and Vampires, oh my!

YA for Adults: Tough Girls You'll Love

Mary Doria Russell: From Sparrow to Doc

In July, we had to cut hours and staff at the library, so the library's blog went from several posts a week to one post or less.  We all have less time to do these kinds of things, because you know if a library's hours reduce, there aren't necessarily any less items checked out, right?  We're just that much busier during the times we're open.

Oh, should I mention, if you live in Multnomah County, you should be voting for the Library District?  That's right, I knew I didn't have to, because you already are planning to vote Yes.  You are not my friend if you are voting No. Ppffffthhht.

PS
Hey, I just noticed the Google Doodle for today is commemorating the 161st Anniversary of Moby Dick.  And a few minutes before that I noticed my own blog's post with the highest page views (6705) is Moby Dick: Chapters 29-34, from my slow read.  I don't know why that one over all the other ones.  My second-highest page view is Moby Dick: Chapters 55-60 with 2695 views.

Obsessions vs. Goals

Books read January 2009 to May 31, 2009 (pre-Kindle): 25
Books read January 2011 to May 31, 2011: 71

The Kindle hasn't just re-ignited my love of reading books.  It's made me obsessed. (Now as low as $114 new.)

Latest obsession:  Rachel Caine.  I began reading her Morganville Vampires series on May 5th.  I finished with her latest, #10, on May 19.  Now I've begun her Weather Warden series.

Other obsessions: Charlaine Harris...her other-than-Sookie-Stackhouse books; Cate Tiernan (I actually had to Inter-Library Loan a book from her Balefire series, the only one that wasn't available on the Kindle); and um...paranormal erotica.  mmmm werewolves.  The only time growly males in romances are interesting.

Kindle cover pictured was a Christmas present to me from my sweetie's other sweetie. She commissioned it from an Etsy seller.

There's that, and then it seems my obsession over books leaked over into TV obsessions.  My sweetie bought us a new TV and Tivo with the new year, and along with that we finally subscribed to Netflix, streaming only.  If I started watching a TV show that interested me, I watched and watched until all caught up. This happened with Monarch of the Glen;  the Doctor Whoniverse; Jekyll (seeing a pattern here?); and Gossip Girl (library DVDs).

Total fluff, total fun.  Not really conducive to writing.

I want to set up some goals, and I hope you, dear readers (if I have any left), can help me to keep on task.

1. I'll write at least one post here a week.  More would be better, but would be hindered by number 2, below.  Readers' task: leave a comment about those kinds of posts you've liked best.  When I sputtered to a crawling stop, I'd kind of devolved into mostly book-blogging, and I want to get back to the Multiplicity that this blog is all about.
2. I'll catch up on my Dharma School blogging before we start teaching again in September.  I've been postponing for 2 1/2 years.  That's somewhere around 20 lessons to write up. Approximately two a week, here we go!  Unfortunately, with some of these, I won't have the fun details that came up in the lessons...but then, that means I should be able to write them quickly.
3. At the very least I'll blog about the books I read for a book group.  For now that's one per month. Starting in the fall we'll have our Classics book group, so then it will often be two per month.  Unfortunately, the Classics Pageturners is on the third Sunday of each month, and my regular Pageturners is on the third Tuesday of the month.  Here again is where the Kindle comes in handy...very easy to review passages I've highlighted.  I'll have to schedule my book-reading. Maybe I'll do a slow-read series once in a while again.
4. Pick up that novel-in-progress again, and write it.  I think someone needs to set me up in a hermit's cabin with electricity but NO INTERWEBS.

New Haunts

I've really got to find a way to whittle these haunts lists down...just way too many things to read. I wanted to share some new haunts. Many are on the green side, appropriate considering the regime change.

Speaking of regime change, the White House is one of my new haunts. If you didn't know the new administration has a blog, where have you been? Straight from the source, stuff as complex as press releases, press briefings, and legislation published for your comments, to something as simple as an announcement. Whoever is responsible for maintaining the blog understands blogs. Each post is just what it needs to be, nothing more, nothing less.

Treehugger: I'm not sure how long this will last...there are several (many?) authors and there's too much to keep up with. OTOH I would never have found out my grandpa's lifelong employer has launched a water saving campaign which includes an online game that earns faucets for Habitats for Humanity.

Nor would I have seen Fast Company's prediction of of the top green jobs in the next decade. I share that in case anybody reading is thinking about a career change that may not mean a whole lot of schooling. This really is the future....

The treehugger people can be a little grumpy, unlike Inhabitat, another new haunt. I found great stocking stuffer gifts here, and it's nice to look up at upcoming design that is also green, though I have found reviews may not be so discerning.

I've been reading Feministing for awhile. This too can be too prolific, but I can't give it up.

I never quite view problematic customer service interactions in quite this way, but I get a kick out of (The Customer is) Not Always Right. It's great for a quick stress-relieving laugh.

I really like Scouting NY for the photos, and for the way the author looks for the kinds of things I look for. I like noticing those hidden architectural details about a place, and like thinking about the past contained in the walls.


Finally, the best for last, my sweetie's sweetie has begun a new blog, The Cedar Chest, which is kinda like looking for those architectural details and imagined histories, but in ephemera.

She also sells a good bit of the stuff she features.

Pictured is her first piece of ephemera she bought.

Unfinished Business

Now that I've had a little more space to breathe, I can get back to some unfinished business. There came a moment leading up to the Buddhist Festival that I just had to drop extras. I meant to get started today, but my time was taken up with little errands that added up. So it goes.

I got caught up with some rss feeds this week, including Scientific American. I found this review on the book On Being Certain: Believing You are Right Even When You Are Not. This is one piece of why I blog. Memory is extremely faulty, yet we humans will insist years later that we remember something as if it were yesterday. If I write about it, I can look back later for the closer encounter. So can my friends. Another feed I am staying on top of is Hemant's Friendly Atheist blog. (I read his book and wrote about it.) His blog keeps me thinking about the impulse toward religion. I think some of people's certainties about religion come from this amended memory thing we do. We change the story so it's more like...a story.

So, some things I took notes on, but have yet to transfer here:

• Seeds of Compassion: The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. I gathered some blogs about it for the NW Dharma News. Also look there for a short reflection from me among the reflections. I have more. I'm actually thinking about discontinuing my writing for the NW Dharma News. I have a hard time saying no, I can't do this anymore. Something has to give though.
  
• Town Hall, and the last Unnatural Causes. I blogged on every episode so it feels unfinished, as I didn't do the last one. Nor did I write about the town hall that I was invited to because of my writing about the series.
• No Time to Lose: I think I have 2 more chapters to write about, maybe 3. Then a synopsis to complete the class. I might be able to finish the Buddhist Studies program at the Zen Center (formerly named Seminary) this fall, if I can just get past papers done this summer.
• Books and movies. I've been keeping track of books and movies just not writing about my impressions. I finally started doing ratings at IMDB for this very reason.
• This spring we had a staff day, I wanted to blog about that. (I also have a few photos I need to get to people.)
  
• I also have several Dharma School lessons to write about, but I'm doing that at my Dharma School blog.

Groan, this could take me awhile. I have ideas about which I will do first, but if my few loyal readers have a preference about which ones I do first, just say Hey, do that thing. I may not write about all the books and movies, so if you have particulars you'd like to read about, say that too.

PS: nobody wants a free canvas bag...a Portland collector's item?

New Haunts

Besides The Daily Coyote and Salazmeyer, here are a few that I look forward to reading in my bloglines feeds.

the effing librarian
Somebody mentioned this one when we were doing web 2.0 stuff at my library. It is a rare writer who can write with sardonic wit and still read as a caring person. When it is not done well, it just comes off as negative and mean. He? is funny and effing right.

the New York Public Library blogs
There's a lot of cool info to be found here, and you don't necessarily have to live in New York to imbibe. I found something I may do when I visit New York in June. (Did I mention I'm taking a little detour before I visit Wisconsin for my twin nephews' high school graduation party?)

Practical Polyamory
It's exactly as the title says. There's an educational website attached. I think it will be a good place to point folks to.

I noticed I don't really keep up with the Buddhist blogs I have in my bloglines feed. I'm more attracted to certain book blogs and non-monogamous or polyamory blogs. Maybe that's because the Buddhist blogs that I know of that focus on Buddhism tend to cover ideas I already know about, or can't really cover Buddhism in depth perhaps because they don't know enough yet. I used to like the quotes blogs, but not so much lately. Then I remembered my dharma sister...almost forgot her because she doesn't post very often. I wish she did more. I could add her, as well as Woodmoor Village. I'll pounce on their posts as soon as I see them.

I am also always interested in the Friendly Atheist, though sometimes it's a bit dry, and has a limited view of Buddhism. I read his book end of last year. Lately I am also keeping up with Feministing.

Reading blogs can really be a procrastinator's downfall.

Cool New Haunt

I've known this woman for several years, and worked with her mom for more years. Most of what I know of her has come from her mom. This young woman has finished many things earlier than most of us: teenage rebellion; rebellion recovery; high school; college; library school. It didn't take her long after she got her MLS (Masters in Library Science) to get a job as a librarian at a University here in Portland. She is one smart cookie. Her mom used to joke she would be our Library Director one day. Now I'm thinking she's going to be an international mover-and-shaker.

Recently she moved to Dubai, yes that Dubai that most of us here know nothing about except that a company in Dubai would have run ports in the United States and George Bush would have let them. She works at the Dubai Women's College as a librarian. Right now they are understaffed and she is likely doing the work of three people. Her blog promises to be an interesting mix of anecdotes and photos of her life as an expatriate in Dubai. Until now, her posts have been sparse, but she promises she'll be posting more regularly now that she has the internet at home.

Learn about such things as the alcoholic card, sandstorms, how Dubai girls view her, and Dubai shoppings centers. I introduce you to SalazMeyer.
(photo from her blog, by her, I presume.)

On Memes and a Social Class Meme

One of the things I am enjoying about the library learning 2.0 is the almost complete lack of memes. Many of them simply clog up time and bandwidth. In the blogging world, some do not even recognize the definition of meme, and instead think of it as meaning me-me. One of the most popular of the new MCL blogs is the one titled Cheese Sandwiches. Recently, he shared most eloquently why a past acquaintance grew tired of sandwiches. While not inclined much to participate in memes, it inspired me to participate in one on social class that I've been hanging on to from The Goddess of YA Literature, titled What Privileges Do You Have.

Another thing I enjoy about the library blogs is the conscientious attribution found there. This often gets lost in the blogging world. Like a bad game of telephone, bloggers will just link to the blog where they found the meme. In fact that seems to be the point of blogging memes, rather than the original author. I found this meme on another blog, introduced simply as something that reminded him of his past. It wasn't intentional, but this is blogging telephone.

Thanks to The Goddess, I was able to find the explanation of the meme's origin from one of the authors. Who knew you could find where a meme originated? (That Quaker blog does look interesting.)

The meme:

What Privileges Do You Have

Based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you please acknowledge their copyright. Bold the true statements.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home. [with 2 mortgages]
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere in a commercial airline before you were 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as a child.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

They say you should write at a 7th grade level

I think maybe that's what is wrong with the US.

Movie Reviews

Daily Feel Good Photo

I've had limited access to the web here in Wisconsin. I found a free wireless connection but I don't know where it's coming from. Steve says I should be careful. Someone might hack my computer. I've also gone to the library, which is excruciatingly slow, but most people around here have dialup, so it's probably fast to them. And I've gone to McDonald's. I thought they had free wifi, but you pay for it here, 3 bucks for 2 hours. I slowly enjoyed an egg nog milkshake.

I've had good reason to keep checking my email, one of our core members of Portland BPF was busy planning this.

Besides a daily phone call from the best guy ever, I needed a little dose of sanity while in the frigid Midwest. I just realized my favorite thing to visit has been The Daily Coyote. This bit of wildness, just a bit tamed, soothes my heart.

This is just of a sample of the many amazing photos of Charlie by Shreve Stockton in Wyoming.

Altar

This is my altar. I use this photo as wallpaper on my phone. Actually this is just to test posting direct from phone to blog.

Update:

The text came through, but not the photo. Damn. Oh well. Here's the photo:

Testosterone and Love

I don't often talk about sex here, though I admire those bloggers that make it their mainstay, such as Chelsea Girl and Tom Paine. Talking about sex will definitely gain one a loyal audience.

I don't talk about sex much because it usually involves another person, and it may be an intimacy that other person would rather not have shared publicly. Chelsea Girl found herself confronted with karma from a past lover, and not at an optimal time. Her readers had various views on that. Some bloggers seem to feel anything is fair game, and if someone has a problem with that, someone can start their own blog. I think Chelsea Girl did the right thing for herself, including making amends somewhat by sharing the positive things about her past lover that she hadn't before.

Some bloggers write about socially taboo things, and try to protect themselves by remaining anonymous. That doesn't always work. I tend to feel that there is safety in transparency. (A friend of mine said that very thing today regarding civil disobedience. Makes sense, doesn't it?) I don't flaunt my identity, but I don't try to hide it either. I want people to know I am polyamorous, that way they can't accuse me of sneaking around. Along with transparency there must be tact and courtesy, so if I'm "working something out" in my writing, I can't just be thinking of myself. This is why I was so happy when Tom's wife C. starting reading and participating in his blog, there wasn't a big splash (publicly anyway) of hurt feelings and embarrassment. Tom has written of some very intimate stuff...and his wife has brought even greater intimacy and boldness to his posts.

I intended to talk about patterns of libido, and here I am talking about blogger anonymity. I also don't talk about sex much because it doesn't necessarily happen all that often. I'm busy, my lovers are busy, we don't get a chance for that intimate time together. Parents aren't the only ones who have to put sex time on their calendar. I can go through periods of time where I just don't think about sex much at all. I've never been one to masturbate much by myself. I prefer help. I also prefer a buildup to a big orgasm, and that rarely happens by my own hand, or my own hand holding machine. Sometimes I realize I'm blue or cranky and my body is sluggish because I haven't been flushed with the heat of desire lately, and the proper medicine is a good body-rocking orgasm.

This has been my pattern lately. I have so many other things on my plate. Other times I have been hungry for sex. Often it has been when I am flush with a new love, or about to fall in love. I've come to believe that there is a biological rhythm to falling in love, and there is an emotional ripeness to falling in love. When those two come together and happen upon an object of desire that is compatible enough, along comes "true love." That third element, compatibility, is so key to a lasting relationship. I happen to think the absence of it does not negate the validity of the love, just makes it something that is unwise to nurture. I'm getting away from my intention again...

Who hasn't noticed that people in love sparkle and glow and are suddenly quite sexy? Early in our relationship Steve pointed out to me that so often no one is interested in a person sexually when they've long been single and involuntarily celibate. That person hooks up with someone, starts having great sex and intimacy, and suddenly more people are flirting, sniffing around for some of that. I think it has all to do with those love chemicals stirring around in a person. After a couple settles in to couplehood, those chemicals simmer down and the sexiness withdraws, like coals banked for the next day's fire.

That mad sparkly time of new love can last from a couple of months to four years. That giddy excitement can't go on forever, too stressful. Those that have studied this hypothesize that's about the time a female could use a male sticking around to help care for a baby. After that, a primitive human couple could go their separate ways, and mama could take care of baby on her own. Our body chemistry possibly reflects a natural serial monogamy, or natural pattern of adultery. I wonder from that if people have a natural rhythm of susceptibility to love. Every few years, a monogamous couple might find a resurgence of passion, or a cheater might succomb to new temptations, or a polyamorous person might seek new dates and new loves.
The other part of my equation of ripeness for love is an emotional state of mind. Some wiser unconscious part of me didn't allow me to fall in love until I was ready and able to withstand gale force winds of love. Other people perhaps don't have those unconscious walls. Some people may live their whole lives, become grandmothers, and not experience that psychic awakening to eros.

While omnifarious possibilities of love abound, I'm interested at the moment in examining that sex-infused giddy time of new love. Discovery News recently reported on two studies about sex making people feel sexier. One showed that the more sex you have, the more you feel like having sex. This is due to the raised levels of testosterone that result from cuddling and intercourse, for both men and women. The second study found that monogamously partnered couples had the lowest testosterone levels, and polyamorous people had the highest overall levels, even above single people. My first thought, well that depends. I would guess those would be actively dating polyamorous couples. I would guess my own testosterone levels are kinda low at at the moment.

The Discovery article said,

The team of scientists theorizes the hormone may be involved in "bond maintenance" and in preparing the individual for competition.

Such competition may be either external, as in fending off other suitors, or internal, as in strengthening the person in preparation for a possible child. Other studies have demonstrated that sperm from different men compete with each other to fertilize the egg, although women also appear to exert some influence over which sperm achieves the feat.

That seems to me to explain that glow effect of ripe new sexual contact. Sex doesn't only make a person feel sexier, it makes one sexier. I wonder what they meant by competition. Could it be this enhanced attractiveness sparks a dance of competing sex-partners? Could it mean we're naturally inclined to 'play the field' with our raised testosterone levels? Then, when we settle for the one and only, we ride that testosterone wave, forging connections, until other bonds hold us together, like oxytocin.

Our bodies will ripen again, ready for another child, another pairing. Is it any surprise that we don't always ripen for love with the same person? Perhaps in the case of polyamory, we freeze ourselves in that moment of ripening, with multiple partners the chemistry doesn't quite settle. Maybe our bodies think we're 'playing the field.' I do know that having sexual activity with another makes me want it more with my closest lover. A self-feeding loop raises those levels of libido.

Some people have no wish to raise libido levels. They're perfectly happy being asexual. As Dan Savage so often says, "You can have strict monogamy or you can have a low libido, ladies, but you can't have both. If monogamy is a priority, you're gonna have to put out." I'm with Figleaf, the best sex is the sex you want. But if I don't want much sex, it's not fair to impose that on my significant other. If my significant other wants more, he or she is welcome to find more with more people.

Library Stuff

Librarians Use Bloglines
I try to go to a monthly reference forum training, last month the topic was blogs and blogging. Blogs make it easier for people to publish on the web, and there are plenty of blogs simply devoted to books. Some librarians look to blogs as a source for readers advisory (the libarian's term for helping people find a "good book to read"). Unlike book review journals, blogs will cover older books, or specific types of books from specific genres. I got the impression librarians like to use Bloglines. I've been using My Yahoo for RSS feeds, but as the number of blogs I read grows, that's getting clunkier. (One person said, "They make blogs sound like a drug!" Several of us chimed in response, "It is!") So...maybe I will give it a try. I do like to have online sources for favorites lists, because then it doesn't matter what computer you're using, you can still access those regularly visited pages.

Making Cities Stronger
Page 3 of this document, picture of my branch library, said to be the busiest branch library in the nation. Apartments above, coffee shop to the left, and quite a few restaurants, antique stores, banks, grocery stores within four blocks. The document is a report by the Urban Libraries Council on why libraries are so good for economic development, and what it is libraries do that support economic development. I haven't had time to read the whole document, but the conclusions make sense. "Central libraries manage to make a considerable mark on the look and feel of downtown areas." In commercial strips and mall, libraries are "contributing the valued commodity of foot traffic to local businesses, anchoring redevelopment, and providing quality of life amenities to neighborhoods." In mixed use develepments, like my library pictured on page 3, libraries add "significant public amenity value to burgeoning commercial, office, and residential corridors." Interestingly, our libary system was not one of the survey sites or one of the case study sites...but we're pictured!

No Doubt You Heard about the Case of the Dog's Jewels
Here's a good synopsis. It occurs to me that this squeamishness over the words scrotum and vagina might not be due only to religious tyranny, but to corporatization of America. Not all that long ago, many families lived on farms. They wanted their animals to mate and reproduce. Children would have been quite familiar with animal parts and what the animals did with those parts. Chances are they just called a dog's balls a dog's balls. Now, not so many families living on farms, growing up naturally with the facts of life. Agribusiness rules the land while families shield their children from the facts of life.

The funny thing about this award-winning story, I thought, was that the inquisitive girl overhears a drunk telling a story about a snake biting the dog's scrotum. Now wouldn't the drunk say "balls" or "nuts"? A teacher used it in her lessons, asked the kids what they thought would be controversial in the story. They thought it was the drinking.

The author herself weighs in here. For those obviously titillated by the mention of private parts in children's literature, Gelflog made a list for you.

Web 2.0
Neat little youtube demo on the difference between the first web, and web 2.0, here. At the very end, the director says, "We'll need to rethink a few things. Copyright. Authorship. Identity. Ethics. Aesthetics. Rhetorics. Governance. Privacy. Commerce. Love. Family. Ourselves." (Only in a more dynamic digital way than this.) He missed one. Libraries. Libraries are rethinking ourselves in this world too. There are 8,320 results for the keyword "libraries" on youTube. At the very least, librarians are making sure they know what's available so they can better serve the people who come to the library to use it. The Public Library of Charlotte and Mecklenburg County took that learning online with a blog and contest for Learning 2.0.

A Better Wikipedia
A cofounder of wikipedia wants to create a more accountable wiki encyclopedia. Librarians don't like to use wikipedia because they want reliability in their reference sources. I will tend to use it to help me find the words I need to refine a search for a patron, as it is often near the top in google results. Citizendium will rely on "gentle expert guidance."


oh boy. was that too geeky?

Idiotarod, but not in New York

A person on my alumni list shared with us that we could find photos of the Idiotarod at his favorite blog, here. I didn't quite get there, to the photos of the Idiotarod. (I hadn't heard of it before. Somebody else shared the link to this YouTube video.)

Before I saw the giant penis cart of the Idiotarod, I found this story about George W. Bush in a caterpillar factory. It boggles my mind that this person is our selected president. Whether on purpose or inept driving, what kind of person laughs at the frantic scramble of people avoiding crushing by a monster machine? If it was on purpose, that's insane. He's inhuman. My husband said that's a frat boy for you.

I shared with my alumni list that I am so glad we did not have frat boys at St. John's. I was spared that indignity. At least most frat boys grow up.

Holly Bailey, Newsweek blogger, reported this:

"I would suggest moving back," Bush said as he climbed into the cab of a massive D-10 tractor. "I'm about to crank this sucker up." As the engine roared to life, White House staffers tried to steer the press corps to safety, but when the tractor lurched forward, they too were forced to scramble for safety."Get out of the way!" a news photographer yelled. "I think he might run us over!" said another. White House aides tried to herd the reporters the right way without getting run over themselves. Even the Secret Service got involved, as one agent began yelling at reporters to get clear of the tractor. Watching the chaos below, Bush looked out the tractor's window and laughed, steering the massive machine into the spot where most of the press corps had been positioned. The episode lasted about a minute, and Bush was still laughing when he pulled to a stop. He gave reporters a thumbs-up.

Bush devotee commenters on her blog try to say it was just a joke, can't we cry-baby liberals take a joke?

The LA Times version of the story said this:

Before he spoke, Bush stopped at the Sterling Family Restaurant to chat with customers eating breakfast. But he really came alive when, at the end of a tour of the Caterpillar plant's assembly line, he climbed aboard a D10 tractor, a yellow behemoth capable of moving tons of earth to carve out a path for a highway, and told reporters: "I would suggest moving back. I'm about to crank this sucker up."

With that, the machine came to life, and moved forward on its yellow metal treads, until he brought it to a halt about 20 feet down the line and started it on a backward turn. When he climbed down from the cab, the inner boy was shining through and a broad grin crossed his face.

At least the reporter recognizes he's still a boy inside.

Taming the Hydra

Steve asked me this morning why I used the word "gloomy" since I don't seem to be gloomy. The thing is, when I'm with others, or with him, I am happy. It's when I'm alone that I descend into couch-potato lethargy, when it becomes paradoxically difficult to move out of the house and be among others. I told him that's part of why I said it, I wanted to bring it out of hiding and dispel it, keep it from being my secret alone. The other day I was cleaning out and organizing a closet (alone) and inexplicably felt sad. I sat down to meditate, to let come what would come, but nothing arose. Just sad. Nothing apparently triggered it. While sitting there, my homie called and I confessed to her to my sadness and my inability to find the trigger. I simply talked to her about various things, and afterward I realized I felt cheerful again. I am held and made whole by others. Saying these things, I realized I need to break that pattern of sinking deeper into the couch, so I sit in the neighborhood diner where there's not too many people, but I'm not alone. I'm better able to look at the bad news that depresses me.

Rachel over at Terrible Wonderful World eloquently expresses a similar mixture of grief and dismay, though more eloquently. "How do I begin to express the cold fury, the wrenching grief I feel? Day after day after day, we hear about more people being blown to bits in places far away--far away, but where I have family. Yes, I have family over there. We all have family over there. (Brothers and sisters...in the human family.)" Alone on a walk, she ponders the state of things. She says, "Where is my optimism this morning? My faith in human wisdom? My hope for the future? Must be here somewhere...[searching pockets]...though I can't seem to find 'em at the moment. A laugh or two will help... Another thing that helps: remembering last night. The world may be going to hell in a handbasket, but some refuge can be found in the arms of my lover. H., you are a dear, sweet man." This helped me clarify my own confusing inconsistency, it is through being with others, loving others, that I find peace and happiness. Here in the cafe and bar, I am happier to be sharing breathing space with my neighbors, even if I don't know them.

And that leads me into my thoughts on interconnection, and how that could be our salvation in this world bent on a hellish distopian post-oil future. I don't have all my thoughts pulled together, certainly it's not complete, but maybe by putting it out there I and others can give it shape. I visited my other homie and his family last night and gave voice to a piece of that thought. We need to build our communities, our connections, and create our future for ourselves. We need to create our own sustainable neighborhoods, our towns. I mentioned this also to my visitors from Albany the other day. They said they need to bring me into their circle...that they fantasize about building a town that is self-sustaining. I seem to recall reading about a town in California that is doing this very thing. Could it be Davis? I said, "We need to ignore what our government is doing." By that I meant that we not participate in the consumerist imperialist policy of the plutocracy that controls our government and the mainstream media, as best we can. My friend's wife aptly realized it was not a thought that would work well in the Heartland, but we all realized we do have a chance here in Portland and Oregon. We already are building the infrastructures that we will need, not only community groups but the city itself.

I have learned from working with the loose peace network here that it isn't a figurehead, it isn't a single iconic figure that makes things happen, but a bunch of folks working together doing their little pieces of the whole. It takes enough people willing to step to the edge of their comfort zone, and it becomes easier as we forge ties, learn how to deal with the inevitable conflict. It is harder, and lonely, to view the march towards Armageddon alone. While the powers that be march closer to that goal (it sure feels like that, with rumbles of attacking Iran) those of us left behind can continue with this task of building a sustainable future. Of course we can't completely ignore them, we must continue to voice our differences, but we must also quietly go about our business the way we envision it.

Peaked oil, global warming, and perpetual war are heady ingredients for difficult times ahead. Visions of Soylent Green rattle around in my head, with updated science and the anti-science religious movement. We are not helpless though, we can effect a more hopeful transformation. It takes individual changes toward sustainability, and it takes towns and cities that plan development for walking, biking, and local agriculture. It takes caring relationships, people who nurture ties whether business or friendships, while not going back to the 'good ol' boys' days.

So just how does one survive the hydra? Heracles could chop off the heads, but he needed help from another to cauterize the wound and keep new heads from growing. In Buddhism we have the image of a sword that cuts through delusion. Our own karmic hydras can definitely be as vicious and grow new heads, and their blood as poisonous. We can't survive alone, and we must face this monster. In the end, Hercules couldn't kill it completely. He buried the final head alive.

(image from wikipedia)

My Haunts

I may not have been posting here much, but I've been a little more active at a few of my haunts.

I am completely in awe and smitten with Chelsea Girl who writes Pretty Dumb Things. I read through her thread on her days as a stripper in New York. I started reading the rest of her blog from the beginning. She has an incredible vocabulary and knows how to use it. The writers that truly impress me, and she's one, are those whose description not only accurately conveys a vivid picture, it does so in a completely new way that gets right to the heart. I don't really like the title of her blog, the only negative thing I could say about it. I adore her sincerity, but the title seems sardonic and self-deprecating...maybe I'm not getting it. I'll post comments there, but mostly consider myself a sycophant, the not-crazy kind.

My friend Sean manages to post several times a day, sometimes his own stuff, many times other stuff floating around the web. Cute youtube kitties, and hilarious quotes from the uber-fundie Christian boards. For some reason his girlfriend has taken a serious dislike to Rosie O'Donnell and I got into it with her, and then with Sean here. Rosie's getting a lot of press lately for her view on The View.

For the record, it is my belief Rosie's getting that negative press because she's effective in getting her progressive anti-war views said. Her "feuds" in actuality were nothing more than her doing her job, expressing her view on The View in a respectful and sometimes comedic way. She's incredibly generous, usually hides how much so, kind, and loving. She actually was able to say some Senator should step forward and impeach Bush. That America needs to show the world, and have it in the history books, that we as Americans were not okay with the way he's managed his presidency. I guess that particular clip isn't making the rounds in YouTube or on ET.

I continue to find Tom Paine a good read, honest and exploratory. His wife has now joined the reading list. Good conversations happen there. Too often I think Tom experiences me as a gadfly, he's often quoting me as having a problem with him or his lovely wife C. Sometimes I think the way he expresses things puts more of a defined boundary on things than he intends. I am glad he appreciates the dialog. I stretch myself on understanding love and relationships there.

Finally, I no longer haunt the Yahoo group spiritualpolyamory. Sadly, the moderator went banishment-happy, and I've been banned. I responded, and was accused of being passive-aggressive for saying "nutcase" in this missive:

Dear Chris,

You've lost me on this one. You made a somewhat extreme statement, and M made a somewhat extreme statement in response. People have various skill levels as well as cultural differences in addressing disagreements. do you really want one kind of culture in this group?

Usually in open forums like this it's possible to speak the truth, iron out the wrinkles, and learn better ways to deal with differences. Now M has learned exile, and D may wonder if you're a nutcase. There'll be those who read extreme hostility in M's challenge, and agree with your action, and those who wonder, where'd that come from, the language wasn't heated at all to them. So we all learned we must speak a certain language if we are to be included or we could be excluded. Is that how we're going to make the world a more peaceful place?

Chris responded, prompting me to check if I was still a member of the group. Nope. Banished.

Heidi,

My moderator choices aren't determined by what feels "comfortable" to everyone. It's impossible to please everyone.

It's not about matching extreme statements. Her statement was attacking and equating my comment with racial generalizations.

I don't perceive it as my responsibility to make the world a more peaceful place because I can't control what others are acting out. But I do see it as my responsibility to set energetic boundaries.

Monica and Dawn created their experiences, and are not victims.
Yes, if people want to be included in this group they have to use respectful languaging.

I perceive your comment about "nutcase" as passive aggressive
and so I say goodbye to you as well.

This isn't going to be a place where I absorb the negative energy of others.

To backtrack, here's what M said that got her bumped. For the record, I thought this was rather innocuous:

I challenge this statement and wonder how a rational person can state that poly people can handle intense concepts more than non-poly people? That is like saying Mexicans can handle spicy food better cause they are from Mexico. Being poly does not automatically make a group of folk more anything. Poly is an
intensely personal thing and folks within the community run the gamut of personality types... just like in the non-poly world. We are not better.

I've heard since this swift culling that other dissenters have been banned, and at least two people let me know how they responded, one choosing to leave the group. Sadly, we all liked being there because of the combination of spirituality and polyamory. Good conversations were had. I'd always had a feeling Chris had a bit of the narcissist about him, but I let it be, figuring he was a writer and that's par for the course. I've told people his book on polyamory was concisely written and a good introduction. He has some odd ideas, see unification dot com. Not that we don't all have some odd ideas. But now, even if he wanted us back, I would be reluctant. Who knows, perhaps he is trying to cull all who would not be sycophants.

So, I'm checking out the Loving More yahoo group. And PolyMatchmaker.com.