HNT #27: Zine Symposium

A couple days ago I posted photos and said a little about my first time tabling at the zine symposium. Today K. sent me a photo she took of me there. A couple (a few?) years back I was interviewed for an article on GLBT Buddhists in Just Out. I was nervous before, but relieved after. It felt good to be more out. I knew though, that the sort of people who would read Just Out would be more accepting in general of my choices in life.

Bringing my non-monogamy in the form of a zine to the zine symposium is yet another step in being more publicly out. I found the community of zinesters quite accepting, as it is full of people who bare their innermost thoughts in a way they know will never be censored.

My library is one of the first to purchase and catalog zines for checkout. Others got zine collections before us, but none as far as I know had made them part of the card catalog and available for checkout. The next step to outing myself more would be to get my zine in the collection, if that's possible. That's a hard one. I work there. In a public card catalog, there would be no more selectivity to my self-revelations. I know, this is pretty public too...but someone has to be looking for this, and I try not to attach my full name to this. I also need to think about the effect it could have on Steve and K.

Tabling at the zine symposium was a test of sorts. People would ask me questions that required me to find the essence of this my dual spiritual path. They would ask the questions, but were they the student or the teacher? Is there a difference? They challenged me, I challenged them.

They asked, of Buddhism and polyamory:

"What is the connection here, in a nutshell."
"Liberation can be found," I responded.

"What is the Great Activity?"
"Love." oops, oh, they were asking about the subject of the zine.

"I never thought to put Buddhism and polyamory together."
neither did I! it's just how my life played out...
I said something about trying to show they're compatible.

There is something naked and pure about selling your ideas to strangers. You sit, looking up at the browsers walking by. They pause. Some take a sticker. Some have eyes only for the zine. Conversations develop, sweet open faces. We are in this together, no barriers of publishing houses between our words and each others' minds. We are not strangers, we are funky iconoclasts who recognize our differences in each other. It is easier to reveal here in front of a computer screen. There we give each other the gifts of acceptance and vulnerability when we meet in person.


Happy HNT, all. Click on the Half Nekkid Thursday button in my sidebar for more HNT revelations.

My Zine Symposium Experience

Last year I went to the Portland Zine Symposium for the first time, just for a few hours on Sunday. This time I went for it and reserved a table.



It was definitely more relaxing than being in charge of a whole Buddhist festival. Back in the 90s I did a zine called Sangha Jewel. I wanted people to send me whatever they'd like to share with the wider Sangha world. I suppose I wasn't yet confident enough to create a zine all about me, all about my stuff. After a year, year and half, I lost the momentum, just as one Zen teacher from back East predicted would happen.

I sent that zine to Factsheet 5, and got a favorable 3-line review. I sent it off to a few people that way, and made some connections through those Zen teachers. That connection from a distance is definitely different from this cross between a conference, trade show, and family reunion.

I didn't expect to sell much, my subject of Buddhism and polyamory being a pretty esoteric one. I had plenty of time to watch people selling their "product" and the connections were so warm and engaged, I more fully realized what a community this is.



The young woman across the aisle from me, Tina with the zine Cough, told me she makes a zine because she just loves the symposium. I found myself glad for my last-minute brainstorm, free stickers, because that gave me a reason to begin a conversation. A good half of the people would sidle on by, I could see their reluctance to meet eyes. buddhism and non-monogamy, don't let me get hooked in. There were a good amount though that were friendly, and interested in the concept. More than I'd figured.

Some people were just not interested in stickers. One even said, "I don't want to take something if I'm not buying." Most people were happy to receive one, and I gave away around 140 stickers, and around 90 of those were the Buddha-peace stickers. The difference between my Buddha-peace stickers, and my Buddha-peace-polyamory stickers gave me a reason to bring up the subject of polyamory. By the end of the symposium, I finally had my schtick down.

"I've got free stickers."
"Free?!" They pause to examine the many colors. I point.
"These have pi for polyamory, and these just have the Buddha and the peace symbol."



My neighbors to the left, "Legal Underage Pornography" had their schtick down long ago, including a comedy sketch routine, no less.



Many already knew what polyamory meant, some asked. Toward the end, somebody said, "So that's where all the peace stickers were coming from." Surprisingly more people were interested in the poly stickers than I expected. I also sometimes had this conversation:

"I didn't know pi was a symbol for polyamory."
"When I went looking for polyamory clip art, that's what I found. There's not consensus on a symbol though. I also found the heart with an infinity symbol intertwined with the legs."
"Oh yeah, I've seen that before."

I liked pi because I could easily float the symbol in a text box over my jpeg of the peace sign with buddha. Some people liked pi because they were math geeks, or they knew somebody who was a math geek. Some people chose that sticker not because they were non-monogamous, but they had a good friend who was.

I saw the laws of Influence at work with my free stickers. I could see that most people who accepted stickers felt obligated to give my zine or my buttons or mirrors a glance, at least. Funny thing was, more people seemed to expect free stuff later on Sunday. Several people confused "stickers" with "buttons" and tried to take a button for free.



That didn't happen on Saturday, though it could be people thought that while I was away from the table.

There were a few dogs that visited the symposium. This one was the most darling. Creature, that's his name, was too quick for a photo. He seemed quite docile until I aimed for a photo, then it was zip zip look around what's that? those people there, i want to see everything. Creature's blond friend said he did alright even at Comic-Con. She carried him around in a bag and when she finally wended her way to my table I told her I'd been looking forward to meeting her dog.



This one was also too quick to pose. Emilo was his name.


And here is Pepper.


Later I caught Creature climbing on his friend's shoulder, perched there like a cat or a kid, but as if he knew I was clicking from a distance, he started moving too quick to catch a shot.



I sold, traded, or gave away 36 of my first zine, and 38 of my second.

Movies Seen

The Persuaders
Available online. It's all about branding, and about limiting what truth is easily available. Example: the persuaders marketed the estate tax as the "death tax." Suddenly Americans don't want the "death tax." That tax only affects the very rich, but it was brought down successfully by marketing to the poorer majority. There's now so much advertising, so much clutter, the advertisers must cut through that by telling us less.

The Stepford Wives (1975)
With the new movie already out awhile, I thought I'd like to see the old one first. If I saw it as a child, I was too young to know what it meant. With 'stepford wife' commonly used to identify a certain type of woman's life, I felt it my duty to go to the source. Now I'm not sure I want to see the new movie. This one was great. I don't know but I'm willing to bet there's a whole subset of kinky folks who love to role play based on this movie.

Bridge to Terabithia
How'd I see a 2007 movie on dvd already? A co-worker gave me the heads up to put a hold on it, so I got it as soon as it came out on dvd. Not quite as enchanting as Narnia, but this was about imagination rather than an alternative world. I liked what they did with the arch-nemesis from school as a troll.

Little Miss Sunshine
The little girl really sparkled, and that mostly is what it's all about. When it came to the moment she really needed to, I thought she didn't, so it kind of fell flat for me. Maybe the point of that was, even when she didn't sparkle, she just keeps going.

Whisper of the Heart
Unlike Studio Ghibli's other fantasy movies, this anime is a story about a girl in junior high who finds herself and the stories inside her waiting to be written. No otherworldly action, just the imagination of a girl and a first love. Oh, the cat just might be otherworldly. Sweet movie.

U.S. vs John Lennon
Would that there were a musician with the drawing power of John Lennon today to give voice to an anti-war movement. Would that there were media drawn to a bed-in to film the word peace on superstars' wall as they made their honeymoon a means to protest the war. Maybe it has happened but nobody paid attention because all the media does is follow the lives of misstepping starlets and discuss the latest intimacies of a faux-reality show. I checked this out because I was reminded by Rosie that everyone must see it. I wonder if she was influenced by John Lennon when she chose to speak her views frankly on The View.

Ladies in Lavender
A young man is washed up on the shore of Cornwall between the World Wars. Two spinster sisters take him in while his broken ankle heals. Based on a short story by William J. Locke, the director confesses that he made the ladies a little older, in their sixties rather than in their forties. I thought that made it all the more interesting. Judy Dench showed sublime talent portraying an old lady falling in love with a younger man.

I loved this movie, even with it's muted British undercurrents. At first I pegged it for a tale of Odysseus from the other side, an older Circe seducing the mysterious young traveler with her hospitality. What was the young man's past? Did he even remember it? Did he know where he was meant to go?

A neighboring woman, suspect because she was German, took an interest in him as well. The director called this a fairy tale, and her character was the wicked queen fairy, and thus a dazzling beauty. I could see that. The young man already seems to have a bit of the fairy in him with his almost otherworldly talent with the violin. Perhaps he more belonged with the fairy queen, and the spinster sister with her unrequited love seemed to recognize that.

Archetypal undercurrents aside, it's a daring movie to have an older woman fall in love with a younger man, and to have nothing happen with that except that he leaves the town, as was always expected.

Sir! No Sir!
They tell us that Vietnam Vets were spit on when they returned home, but that's an urban legend. The vets were welcomed into the anti-war movement. And there was an anti-war movement among the serving troops. This movie reveals Jane Fonda was there with the troops, not something the Fonda-haters would have you know. Underground newspapers, refusal of orders, sabotage, fragging, all talked about here.

Quinceañera
A couple of guys were asked by their neighbors to shoot their daughter's Quinceañera. They told each other that somebody needed to make a movie about this. They turned out to be the somebodies. I finally got this after hearing about it on the IFC Spirit Awards. It's a glimpse into a world I know nothing about, and in the movie, the Latino gay boy makes reference to that to the gay men gentrifying his hood. The older man says, "You live in a whole other world don't you." The Latino says, "No, you do."

There's a scene that keeps echoing in my head: girl with boy on bike on a hill. Very much like a scene in Whisper of the Heart. A Quinceañera is much like a wedding, with the celebrating girl walking down the aisle created by her flower-holding court. The movie begins and ends with one, I like that, as though the movie is creating the space for the story's own coming of age.

Books Read

The Alchemist by Donna Boyd
Back in May during my birthday party when I found myself pleasantly tipsy on vodka and fizzy juices, talking to my Buddhist friend who was not imbibing because she's "taken vows," I had an epiphany about books written for teens versus books written for adults. I realized I gravitate toward reading books for teens because these books expect readers comfortable with ambiguity. Young people have not solidified their identity yet. They're working on finding it. Books that appeal to them will explore possibilities for the future. They will be ripe with promise, or with pitfalls. They will steer a reader toward finding their own true path.

Mainstream popular fiction for adults, on the other hand, will appeal to the readers' certainty in themselves. Such books will confirm solid views of the world. The adult reader of popular books will seek confirmation of their sense of self and of the world in the books they read, not open-ended possibilities. Not always, but generally.

I was reminded of this insight when I read this book. About halfway through I realized the story felt a little flat. Not much fizz in the buzz. It was interesting enough as fantasy goes, hearkening back to Egyptian legend of Nefertiti and carrying it forward to the present day, weaving a story of powerful magicians, but I realized the core message the author shared is that no matter how advanced, humans will still sow violence, still do harm in the name of ideals, still perpetuate the usual ills of the human condition. That may be true, but it seemed a shallow message, and designed to satisfy the adult craving for certitude in moral judgement.

Influence by Robert B. Cialdini
I read this quite a while ago, but I took notes. As individuals we are easily influenced, and those typical influences rely on our innate sociable wiring. The author took jobs such as car salesman to find out how the "compliance professionals" do it. Marketers use this book.
These are the ways:

• Reciprocation: If someone offers you a favor you feel obligated to return it. Someone offers you a can of soda, you give money to their cause.
• Commitment and consistency: If someone gets you to commit to something small, for the sake of consistency you stick with it. Heh. I've done that with love. Chinese in Korea got American prisoners of war to write pro-Communist essays by holding contests. They didn't always reward the Anti-American essays, but sometimes did, and the prizes they offered were small. That was key. Oranges, cigarettes. If a large prize, a prisoner could avoid having to be consistent by convincing himself he was going for the prize. Small prizes made it more their choice, and likely to stick with the opinion.
• Social proof: when in a group, if one person acts, others will. If no one does, no one will. Also known as the bystander effect. This was brought to light by the famous Kitty Genovese murder, where dozens of witnesses did not call the police.
• Liking: similarity, appearance, compliments, familiarity, and association all foster liking.
• Authority: unwilling to contradict the one in uniform, the one in charge. See Milgram.
• Scarcity: newly scarce are more valuable rather than those things that were always scarce.

Stranger Things Happen by Kelly Link
Found this at bookshelves of doom. Short stories of the twilight zone-ish horror genre. I don't usually read such, but Leila of bookshelves was so glowing in her review, I sent for it. I didn't have enough time to read the whole thing, wasn't excited enough to get it from the library again, but I was pleased with the retelling of The Snow Queen.

Gravelight by Marion Zimmer Bradley
Three people wind up in this place in the Appalachians for different reasons. This is the 3rd book in the Witchlight series (yes I read the first 2, and they were good enough to send me back for more). Recurring character Truth Jourdemayne is there with the professional parapsychologists looking into the nexus of paranormal happenings. She, as revealed in the other books, is a descendant of the fairy race, and is learning to become adept at magick. A pain-ridden drunk finds himself stranded there, probably trying to drink himself to death. An actress seeks her family history, and finds herself with too strong a connection to a magical ancestor. Together, they must deal with the cause of the sinister disappearances, an open Gate to magical realms.

Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett
Quick read for a non-fiction book. It was interesting to get an intimate look at a woman who was a very sickly child, and who spent her life seeking the face that was destroyed by her childhood cancer. She had this expectation of care by others, and seemingly no thought of the future. Perhaps that was to happen after she got her face. We talked in our book group about how in spite of, perhaps because of, her fallen-in face, she had this charisma that attracted such loyal people around her. She was a user, and treated her "angels" like doormats, but as one person put it, this was a kind of friendship that was beyond such concerns. Or so Ann Patchett might have us think. One person in the group did some research and found that Lucy Grealy's family was mad because Ann basically left them out of the book, and they contend that Lucy didn't think much of Ann.

Wright 3 by Blue Balliett
I usually don't like to read a later book in a series before I've read the first, but I did here. I think I was assured by a librarian that it wouldn't matter, so this is the first book by this author that I've read. Indeed the author gave enough details from past stories that I could tell what was going on, as could any child that sought a story with mystery and extra-worldly speculation. Interesting stuff in here about the Robie House designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Illustrations were based on the actual building. Otherwise just a book for kids.

Good Fairies of New York by Martin Millar
This is another one of those books I checked out due to a librarian's blog, but I can't remember which one now, maybe bookshelves of doom again. The humans here are sometimes petty, rarely endearing, and not very heroic, except maybe the bag-lady who thinks she's an ancient Greek hero. The particular properties of her boot-polish cocktail allow her to see fairies, and include them in her war strategies. Some Scottish and Irish Fairies find themselves in New York after a bender. They like their alcohol. This gets them in trouble with some of the native fairies. They're also somewhat inept with their fairy abilities, sort of like the humans they're trying to help. I liked it, found the pub-going flavor amusing, but thought the author missed some of the transplanted-in-New-York opportunities. Plus, he had an American say "truncheon" rather than "stick" or "club." Who do you know says truncheon?

Zine Symposium this Weekend

I've been busy putting together a zine. Like my last one, it includes some writings from here, and some new stuff. I tried to tie it together with the theme of Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, especially sangha, or community.

Here are the contents:

• Finding Refuge in the Three Gems
• This Space of Love
• Unconditional Love Found
• A Monogamous Friend Responds
• Myths About Polyamory
• The Public Conversation
• Buddhism Meets Polyamory
• Polyamory: Lessons Learned by guest writer Mon-Mon Keekah

I'll be at the Portland Zine Symposium this weekend. Those of you in the Portland area, I hope you'll stop in to see me, and the other zine writers.

If you would like me to send you a copy of the zine, drop me a line. The first one is also available.

Now that I've finished that, I'll have time to catch up on other stuff. I've read a bunch of books, but my reminder notes have been gathering dust.

Farmers Market Showcases

It was just a quick shopping trip today to the farmer's market. I picked up the usual: potatoes, green stuff, tomatoes, blueberries, corn on the cob....

There were some visitors of note, and they gave me some refrigerator magnet swag:
(the blueberry sticker was from last week...I created a magnet from it.)



It is easy to be green in Portland, but a person could always be greener. We have curbside recycling. The plastics taken curbside only include items with necks. It is possible to recycle all other plastics, but I've been too lazy to take them to a recycling station, and don't have the space to hang on to them for plastic roundups. I discovered though that there is a full-time drop-off location fairly near to my home. I could do better.

The metro folks also had a mobile garden there, all about natural gardening. Of course this was the day I didn't bring my camera, so blame the Motorola Razr for the poor quality:



Not only is it ecologically sound, I like the idea of native plant landscaping because it should be very low maintenance. For various reasons I am not a fan of gardening.

My special animal was featured:



Finally, there was a big green bus. I wanted to get in and out of the market quickly so I didn't stop, but I should have. They were the Dartmouth students traveling across the country in The Big Green Bus. I did see and like the lettering on the side that said, "Powered by Veggies." That didn't seem a big deal to me, seeing as I have a friend who bought a diesel truck so she could convert it to run on vegetable oil, and there are a lot of biodiesel folks in Portland.

As I drove home (usually I ride the bus with my pink rolling crate, but today Steve stayed home from work and I have so much work to do on my zine) I thought about the message of bio-fuels. It isn't enough to think the answer to oil wars is bio-fuel. Already higher demands for ethanol have led to corn shortages in Mexico. I thought about Kettle Chips and its company fleet of biodiesel cars. They use the oil from their chips to run their vehicles. What if Ruffles or Lays did that? What do those mega-companies do with their used oil? Frito Lay has a systematic plan, cites lots of percentages of Greenhouse Gas reductions, but not many specifics on what they do, and no mention of the vegetable oil waste. What a giant fleet of cars those companies could run on their own waste. That could have a meaningful impact, even if it wouldn't be feasible for every single person who owns a car to convert to biodiesel.