Sunday, March 25, 2007

Lusty Lady's in Town

I was sad when Rachel Kramer Bussel no longer wrote for Village Voice. It was through her column that I learned of her In The Flesh Erotica Reading Series, which made for a thoroughly fun evening during my second trip to New York. I learned she is in town, and reading at Powell's on Hawthorne tomorrow (Monday) at 7:30 pm.

I learned about it from a blogger I've begun reading, Figleaf. He has thoughtful essays about sex and its place in our lives. He calls himself a libertine prude. I liked what he had to say the other day about differing libidos. He wrote of his conversation with Joan Sewell, author of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate. He said, "Me? I'm committed to the notion that the best sex is the sex you want, not the sex you're told you're supposed to want. Which ought to be a simple enough proposition except for a constant barrage of people telling us that whatever we're doing we're doing it wrong."

My first marriage was often a tug of war between two people with different sex drives. Having a polyamorous relationship opened up that dynamic for me. I was and am free to explore the sex I want. He needn't depend on me to meet all his wants, nor I him. And I have to say, I have had the best sex since meeting Steve, partly because he helped me find out what it really was, this sex I want, and partly because we both have had the freedom to seek different edges.

Rachel and other sex-positive writers like Darklady also live by that same message. Tastes change, libidos change, there's no one right way to be. Sometimes my religion of choice can be a bit prudish, depending on who you're talking to about the meaning of "Do not misuse sexuality." I like this middle way of neither pushing away too much, nor grasping too much.

No comments: